When people hear about solo aging, many picture someone with no spouse or children. The reality is much broader. Your children may live three time zones away. Your spouse may need more care than you do. Your closest friends may be facing their own health challenges. In ways large and small, most of us will face some part of aging on our own.
That’s why I believe everyone benefits from a solo aging mindset. It’s not about expecting the worst. It’s about planning with confidence instead of fear before we need to.
Start with your personal village
Each of us already has a village: neighbors, friends, faith communities or the folks we see on our morning walk. The question is whether we’ve ever talked about what we might need from each other someday.
These don’t have to be heavy conversations. They work best when they start with generosity. Instead of asking for someone to take care of you, lead with an offer like, “If you ever need a ride to an appointment, I’m happy to help.” Then pay attention.
Often the other person reciprocates, and what could have been an awkward conversation becomes a mutual agreement among people who care about each other.
It’s also worth asking the following questions now to prepare for future needs.
What if I didn’t drive anymore?
Vision changes, a procedure or a fender bender can take us off the road. Have you tried the bus or a rideshare app? Do you know which neighbors run errands when you do? Practicing alternatives now makes the transition far easier.
What if I had a mobility problem?
A fall or a knee replacement can change how we move through our homes. Is there a bedroom and bathroom on your main level? Who could walk the dog or check on you after surgery?
What if my support network shrinks?
Friends move closer to grandchildren, spouses pass away and neighbors downsize. A solo aging mindset means continuously growing your network: Join a club, volunteer, take a class or connect with a local village.
What if I received a bad diagnosis?
A diagnosis is when clear thinking matters most and when decisions get harder to make. Have you named a healthcare agent and a financial power of attorney? Do they know your wishes? Who would advocate for you and help coordinate your care? Your advocate could be a friend, a relative or a professional aging life care manager.
Solutions do exist
There are solutions to every one of these scenarios, many of them right here in Alexandria. Senior Services of Alexandria helps residents with practical needs like rides and meals. At Home in Alexandria and Mount Vernon At Home are two nonprofit organizations that are part of the national village movement, which is built on neighbors helping neighbors.
What a solo aging mindset adds is timing. We have these conversations and explore these options before a crisis forces our hand and we hope we never need them.
So this week, take one small step by offering to help a neighbor or asking a friend which of the above questions worries them most. A simple, generous conversation can grow into a village that has your back.
The writer is the founder of the Positive Aging Community, publisher of the Positive Aging Sourcebook and associate publisher of the Beacon Newspapers.
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